Monday, April 21, 2008

Kiss Me, You Fool

I know, I know, I know. Nothing but YouTube clips of Obamaganda for months and then I spring up like Chatty Kenneth.

But I was just amusing myself with my open letter to the (alleged) guy who came here after searching the Google for "bleeding while taking a shit." Hey, I don't make this stuff up. I just get the reports.

It's a little concerning that since then there's been a dramatic rise in that sort of search leading to this blog. I trust my perverted readers (and I do mean both of you) have been trying it out on their own. And to both of you I say: It totally works, doesn't it?

But wait. I can probably top that one. The latest odd little search that led some unsuspecting person with a traumatic medical condition into my lair?

"My lips bleed in winter but not summer"

I'm serious. Someone searched that on the internets and wound up here.

Since every good blog needs an angle ... a point of view ... maybe I'm missing my golden opportunity. People can tell me what their medical insecurity is, and then I'll tell them what I think while disavowing any knowledge of medicine whatsoever and making them promise that they can't sue me because I'm just a big wind bag.

And if that dream were to come true, when someone searched for "my lips bleed in winter but not summer," then I could say the following:

Geez. I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe it's the dry heat. Do you have a radiator? Those can be very drying. And the wind often pulls moisture from your sensitive skin.

Do you have a humidifier? You might want to consider investing in one along with a good lip balm. Kiehl's makes a fantastic one. Granted it's like $15 a tube or something, but if you buy something they'll sometimes give you a free sample.

And nobody likes scabby lips. I can only imagine how uncomfortable that is, so avoid products with too much camphor. That could really sting.

1 comment:

BloomingtonGirl said...

I once had someone land on my blog by searching "cardiovert my breasts".

Weird, weird, weird.

I landed on your blog by searching for Rivera's 36 assumptions. I thank you for posting them and will probably drop in from time to time.