Thursday, October 18, 2007

Ann Coulter is a Shit Head

I was going to talk about Ann Coulter, who recently said that an ideal America would be free of Jews and that Jews wanted to "be perfected."

It's true. She really did. And you can see it here:

But that's not as interesting as the story from Idaho that showcased a guy getting away with taking dumps under a freeway off ramp. I mean, this is the real news, people.

And in my heart, I'd like to think that Ann agrees with me. If there's anyone who knows about taking a shit on America and getting away with it, it'd be her.

So my hat's off to the Outback Steakhouse employee who's featured here. We stand ... or squat ... in solidarity with you, sister.

Monday, October 01, 2007

Feelings. Whoa-whoa-whoa feelings!

An open letter to what I heterosexistly presume was a woman who visited my blog after searching for "emotionally unavailable men" on The Google.

Oh, Sister,

Let me tell ya. I know what you're talking about. For the love of god, you can't live with 'em, and you can't chop up their bodies and hide them in a Hefty bag behind the 7-11. A girl can hardly clear her head with all the phonie-baloney bullshit that gets thrown at her from every suitor every damn day. There should be a law.

So I apologize for the disappointment you must have experienced when during an attempt to come up with input for a coping mechanism that would help you deal with that insensitive lout, you stumbled onto my pointless windbaggyness instead.

I also noticed that you didn't stay too long, either. But a hit's a hit, isn't it? So I'm keeping you noted on my rolls, thank you very much. And if you ever falter again in your noble trek toward self improvement, you can always cast your back to the wind here, my sister.

You could stay as long as you'd like. Maybe even read a post or two. Click an ad banner or something. Y'know. Make yourself comfortable.