Up Against The Wall, You Redneck Mothers

So the Sweeney Todd bootleg got busted on YouTube. You can thank Actor's Equity for causing a stink. Does this mean I'll be blacklisted from getting my card? Just wait until I'm rich and famous. Then those bastards will be begging me to post things without regard to copyrights and such.

Just you wait. It's only taken 40 years so far. But I'm feelin' lucky.

Knotted, Polka Dotted, Twisted, Beaded, Braided

It was very sweet of my former professional wife to plug my blog and to compliment my humor in a recent post.

But then she starts posturing about how she has a lot more hair than I do in a clear attempt to provoke a blog feud. Now I don't know why sister needs to do that, given that more than two people read her posts (unlike my quiet corner over here).

But I love her, and I'm prepared to take the high road. If this is how she wants to talk about that back hair problem of hers, then so be it.

He Uses Antlers In All Of His Decorating

I just saw that Donny Osmond is "starring" in Disney's Beauty and the Beast on Broadway. As he's only playing Gaston and neither the beauty nor the beast, that "starring" credit is up for debate. But marketers will be marketers.

I digress, however. Imagine that.

Today's rant is actually about how his son came to opening night. His adult son. Who looks older than he does. There they are in the photo. With Donnie's face tighter than his progeny's.

Ick.

Amazing Race, How Sweet The Sound

How is it possible, I ask, for me to get as giddy about a new season of The Amazing Race as I have already?

Because I lead a simple, quiet life? Well, yes. And thank you for asking. But come on, people. There's a woman from Kentucky whose husband is a coal miner. And while he was offering suggestions to help her scale the Great Wall of China, she barked, "Step back and shut up. That's how you'll help me."

If you think Rusty haven't said similar to each other ... well, we haven't. But that's only because neither of us has been trying to scale the Great Wall of China.

I just saw a preview where she says, "We're from Kentucky, so we haven't met gay people. But I like them!!!"

Upon which her husband came out of the closet. Okay, okay. But *that* would be some good television. He has very pointy ears. It's odd. And the photos in their online bio are touched up. Girlfriend could use some orthodontics. Still, love her, love her, love her.

I do not love, however, Team Peg Leg. I don't care if girlfriend is leaking hydraulic fluid from her prosthesis or not. The second her ... boyfriend? ... said "When you get over that wall, Sarah, I'm going to cry," and she didn't reply, "Step back and shut up!", I knew there was more made out of plastic than just her knee caps. (He didn't cry, by the way.) Not to mention that anyone who ... dates? ... the guy who makes her fake legs creeps me out, people. Creeps. Me. Out.

Their bio says they have unresolved romantic feelings. I imagine he does, yes. For the junkie male models. What's up with women who fall for emotionally unavailable men? And what happens to their legs below the mid-thigh? It's a question for the ages.

Get Off My Skirt

There are those out there who wonder where I am. And why I haven't kept them entertained. And there are those who could give a shit. To both of you, I say: I've been working 15 hours/day as of late. So cut a girl some slack.

The Last Five Years

From today's New York Times editorial:

Today, every elected official in the country will stop and remember 9/11. The president will remind the country that he has spent most of his administration fighting terrorism, and his opponents will point out that Osama bin Laden is still at large. It would be miraculous if the best of our leaders did something larger -- expressed grief and responsibility for the bad path down which we've gone, and promised to work together to turn us in a better direction.

Personally, I'm waiting on the miracle. If only it would come.

Whoa, Nelly!

Who else could make Hedwig and The Angry Inch look tame but its creator, John Cameron Mitchell. I just saw the censored trailer for his new film, Short Bus. And let me tell ya ... I'm a little shocked. In a good way, of course. But most San Franciscans think they've seen it all. I'm guessing Mr. Mitchell is giving us more to see, God love him.

Check it out for yourself ... but be forewarned that even though censored it's adult and about ... well ... sex.